Dear Flower Sender:

I received your second delivery today. Here’s a summary of how I feel about it, bulleted for clarity.

I am not:

• interested.
• turned on.
• wooed.

I am:

• creeped out.
• a little pissed.
• irritated.

I am certain you’d prefer for the items on list one to be on list two instead, but that is not going to happen. I have most definitely NOT waited all of this flippin’ time for a man just to settle on a married father of grown children.

It’s a shame to throw away perfectly good flowers, but they’re in the trash, with the rest of the garbage.

Seriously, leave me alone.