What an unusual day today was. All day long, I was reminded so clearly of the day my Mom died. The temperature outside. The sun shining. It’s hard to explain. There have been lots of cool-ish, partially sunny days since that terrible day…but none that felt as much like that one as this one. I clearly remember sitting outside and talking on my phone and being cool but not cold. I remember it being sunny but not bright. I was reminded of things today that I haven’t thought of in years.
Hearing from friends today (hi Sara and Sarah!) has been such a blessing and a reminder of how I am surrounded by friends who love me better than I deserve. It was a long, slow-moving day, and it was mostly good. (There were lots of flashes of sad, and a good bit of mad, but that’s pretty much how I roll day to day.) I know, cognitively, that there’s nothing particularly different about yesterday vs. today. I also understand that imparting too much significance onto these anniversary dates can make things unnecessarily difficult but honestly, I’m glad it’s over. Even if only because it’s not in front of me anymore. I said last year that I wanted to travel this year but I didn’t do enough planning to make that happen.
Next year, though…on the road.
Also: looking forward to more color and less grey in the next year. That would be good.
