Monthly Archives: December 2009

stuff I don’t understand

17 Thursday Dec 2009

Posted by in huh?, inner monologue

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I don’t understand why people are so up-in-arms over the Tiger Woods scandal. Is the interest just because he’s been so private about his umm, private life? This is not particularly newsworthy, that he’s admitted to having been unfaithful. If there were minors or criminal activity involved, then that’s one thing. What he’s done isn’t criminal, I don’t think. It’s not a great way to treat his wife and it’s not a great way to pay back the respect (and the kajillions of dollars) funneled his way by sponsors and fans. As a matter of fact, it’s a terrible thing to have done. I’m dismayed that so many people are all “He should be ashamed and disgraced and stoned in the town square!” What? Really? Unfortunately, his behavior is shockingly common. People are unfaithful all of the time.

But you know what? I’ve done some really dumb things, too. Beyond my everyday failings (having a bad attitude, being judgemental, failing to be compassionate, generous and kind) I have committed some real humdingers. These are things that I wouldn’t want discussed on the news or on tmz or on anybody’s site, really. Not even this one. I don’t want my misdeeds discussed via inane and churlish text messages or email forwards. I haven’t been married and I haven’t been unfaithful to my husband in the traditional sense, but I have given away parts of my heart that are really only for him. I can’t even state how deeply I regret that, and the feeling that I’ve damaged up a relationship I haven’t even begun is one I live with and carry every single day. But you know, the specifics of that are mine and his. No one else’s. If it turns out that because of these things I’m no longer attractive to the kind of man I want, then that’s my body to bury. Not anyone else’s. Just mine.

I guess my point is that just because the visible life that we saw of Tiger Woods was impeccably presented to the rest of the world, we blithely assumed that he was at home, perhaps playing chess, working on golf, or studying films of other golfers while he was in hotel rooms while at a tournament. That was dumb of us to assume that the deep waters were still. Take note.

While I say all of this, I realize several things: this is absolutely none of my business. Having been the cheated-on party once upon a time, I know a tiny, tiny bit about the level of hell his wife is currently in. I don’t now any other specifics, nor is it my business. We should all be pulling and praying for the repentance of the cheater and the restoration of this family. Perhaps this will be the thing that pulls this family together for the duration. Maybe not.

I also realize that whatever it is that we know, and it seems more news is surfacing every few days, it’s but a drop in the bucket. Also, none of that business is my business. Whether you’re a fan of golf or not, I humbly submit to you that it’s not your business either. Leave these people alone. Don’t pass along jokes or other snide, snotty comments. Just let it be.

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Also: Russell on SYTYCD: YAY!

I’ve seen on FB that people are mad and think that he’s not the best dancer. All of the judges agree that he’s not the best dancer, as that honor would have gone to Jacob or Kathryn (who are both SO STINKING TALENTED) but that wasn’t the competition. He’s (currently) America’s Favorite Dancer. Those are two different horses to ride.

I might have hurt myself trying to do a move from last night’s show. I feel a sick day coming on.

ghosts of customers past

15 Tuesday Dec 2009

Posted by in venting, work

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Today in the store not only did I see the guy who sent me flowers (see here and here for reference) but I also saw the Customer Who Made Me Cry (here, here). Good times, good times.

Ahem.

As we get closer to Christmas, people are more and more tense and short-tempered and irritable. One person (or as a bonus, a co-worker!) snapping at me during the course of a shift is one thing, but multiple people being snappish during a single shift seriously chips away at my desire for peace on earth and goodwill to men. And even though I know I shouldn’t (as a Christian and as an employee), the fact that I can’t (as a Christian and as an employee) somehow makes me feel even more defeated.

I read something recently that really resonated with me about my work called the Theory of Crap. This was written in response to a question about searching for a career on Ask Metafilter and it’s genius. The response, written by user DiscourseMarker, reads in part:

Every kind of job, every career, every work sector (even being self-employed) has some kind of associated crap. There is no such thing as a crap-free job. However, different jobs often come with different kinds of crap. The key to having a career that doesn’t make you want to kill yourself is to figure out what kind of crap you can deal with, and what kind of crap is going to make you insane, and look for jobs accordingly.

That’s it! That’s the thing. Things that I didn’t like about other jobs I’d gladly put up with now because the crap that I’m dealing with in my current position is sucking the life out of me. I guess it’s all about perspective, huh? Surely one of these days I’ll appreciate what I’ve got when I’ve still got it. My timing and sense of don’t-screw-this-up-because-this-situation-is-actually-pretty-sweet is terrible.

New perspectives for the new year. Bring it on, 2010.

I think the mulcer, Hal, is back.

hopeful

14 Monday Dec 2009

Posted by in checking in, work

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I’m feeling hopeful in anticiption of this week. There’s nothing particularly exciting in the pipeline, but I spent some time chatting with my very good friend tonight after decorating the tree wih my Mom’s ornaments. Lots of memories wrapped up in those ornaments and there’s the anticipation of making new ones with my friend over the next few weeks and maybe beyond. Heck yes to that.

I’m still pretty overwhelmed wih my job situation. I’m willing and eager to let go the disappointment of late last week. It’s just another reminder that I’m an irreedemable mess who serves a God who’s in the redemption/restoration business. O how desperately I need that!

Truly he taught us to love one another, his law is love and his gospel is peace.
Chains shall he break for the slave is our brother and in his name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in greatful chorus raise we, let all within us praise his holy name!

(And still, all I want for Christmas is you!)

early morning thoughts

13 Sunday Dec 2009

Posted by in inner monologue, insomnia

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I got some disappointing news the other day and it really took the wind out of my sails. I guess I didn’t realize how much I was hoping for this opportunity to pan out because the letdown was hard. I’m not sure what to do next and I’m a little discouraged.
Honestly, I am more than a little discouraged.

Usually when I feel this way, I can write about it. This morning is a different story: my words have abandoned me! I am trying to find words to write about how I feel, but I’ve been staring at this screen for several minutes and I can’t compose a single compelling (or comprehensive) thought.

exactly when does “spinster” kick in?

10 Thursday Dec 2009

Posted by in inner monologue

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I just realized that the end of 2009 is also the cultural end of the decade. Holy cow! Has it really been ten years since the Y2K mania? I am quickly getting old.

Time called it the Decade from Hell and from a global/economic perspective, they might be right. (I readily acknowledge that such a declaration is completely relative.)

How did this decade shape up for you? Are you where you thought you’d be? Where do you want to be ten years from now?

you can’t always get what you want

09 Wednesday Dec 2009

Posted by in Holiday Song of the Day, work

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I’m going to go all Negative Nancy for a moment here. Please excuse me.

Things that suck.

  • retail schedules
  • customers with impossible demands and poopy attitudes
  • cold french fries
  • not knowing
  • funerals
  • being sad around the holidays
  • retail schedules (because I’m feeling it doubly today)
  • being sad around the holidays because of retail schedules, funerals and not knowing

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I ran into the pastor of our church while out at lunch today and in our brief conversation (seriously, no more than 30 seconds) I referred to myself in the third person.

As “Mama.”

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Why does my filter not work when I need it the most? I mean, I didn’t say anything inappropriate…I just don’t have to feel so compelled to reveal the Crazy to strangers.

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My life would suck without you.

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Holiday Song of the Day: O Holy Night. There are many great versions of this song…this is not one of them…this is. More than any other Christmas song, this song captures the majesty of the night our Savior was born. “A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices, for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!”

I had a poopy day today and I could totally use a new and glorious morn.

Weary world, our savior is born!

this and that

07 Monday Dec 2009

Posted by in checking in

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Observed or noted today:

  • For the first time in a long time, I’m excited about what the new year will bring.
  • Baking without making a mess is much harder than television chefs would lead us to believe.
  • I will have a slice of pumpkin cheesecake before noon tomorrow. This is a good thing.
  • “Christmas to Remember” is one of my least favorite Christmas songs.
  • I don’t think I see as well as I used to. I should probably get that checked.

Today was a great day off. Tomorrow will be a great day too. It’s another day that the Lord has (will have) made, so I will rejoice and be glad in it.

I choose joy.

confessions

07 Monday Dec 2009

Posted by in daily life, Holiday Song of the Day

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  • There are a lot of traditional holiday movies I’ve never seen. Miracle on 34th Street, It’s a Wonderful Life, A Christmas Story. I have seen National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, however.
  • A friend of a friend is trying to set me up with someone she knows from work.This is interesting for several reasons but the first of which is that instead of trying to get to know me via email or phone, (or even in person, seeing as how he’s local) he asked if he could add me on Facebook. I said that he could, but seriously? If you want to really get to know me, there’s no substitute for talking to me. FB is a supplement to a friendship, not a substitute for it. Maybe I’m being too hard on him? Is this just me being passively irritated? Maybe and maybe, but really, my interests lie elsewhere.
  • My company’s holiday party was tonight. It was fun to relax with my co-workers, laugh and have a good time. They are nice people, by and large, and I will miss them when I move on.
  • It could be the time of year, or perhaps I’m simply overly sentimental, but I miss my friends. I miss you.
  • I have a Bucket List.

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Holiday Song of the Day: Don’t Save It All For Christmas Day, Avalon. This song is in my top ten all-time favorites and has been for years. I have no words to describe this one. It’s just so good. Have a listen. (The entire Avalon Christmas CD, Joy, is divine. There will be another HSotD pick from this album later this month.)

shoes

05 Saturday Dec 2009

Posted by in Holiday Song of the Day

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A couple of years ago, I went through a shoe phase. I was suddenly really, really interested in shoes…I felt like a puppy. I amassed a collection of good-looking but not always well-fitting shoes. That wasn’t a terribly good use of resources as there’s nothing more mind-occupying than shoes that are uncomfortable. I had a moment three or four years later wherein I realized that life is short and it’s far too short to wear shoes that are uncomfortable. I began to let go of shoes here and there and you know what? I didn’t even miss them. When it’s time to purchase new shoes, anything less than immediately comfortable doesn’t make it past round one. It’s so much simpler.

I’m working with a group of high school sophomores this fall and we’re just starting a shoe drive as a service project. I went through my shoe collection this morning and found four or five pairs of shoes that I know I can live without. I know there are more. It’s such a luxury to have too many pairs of shoes! It’s a luxury to have choices about which ones to wear and I’m humbled and thankful for my shoes today. I have feet that (mostly) don’t hurt and legs that work and a back that’s strong…what a gift! I see people everyday who can’t get around well or easily because of age, illness, injury or some combination of the three. I’m thankful for my mobility.

And for waking up in a warm, cozy bed in a warm house and warm, clean water in my shower.

I’m just feeling thankful.

Holiday Song of the Day: Sleigh Ride, Diana Krall. This syncopated and sophisticated version of this Christmas classic is my favorite version of this song. It makes me wish for friends, warm jackets, a thermos of something warm and an actual sleigh ride. When she gets to “our cheeks are nice and rosy and comfy, cozy are we” it’s nose-crinkling good. Sing it and smile and your nose will crinkle. That’s the sign of a good, sassy song and this totally fits the bill. (I bought the entire Christmas Songs album, where this song appears, on Amazon.com last night for $2.99. An absolute steal.) Enjoy.

My friend Emily has a great nose crinkle. ;)

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