There are times I feel absolutely, 100% bulletproof. During these moments, I am certain that I will get the job of my dreams, the guy of my dreams…it’s just a matter of time.

And then there are the mornings.

When I sit down to begin my quiet time each day, I am at my most vulnerable. I am consumed and overwhelmed by my mistakes and I feel mired and weighed down by my past. I read about how God redeems and uses cracked jars of clay to accomplish his purposes and I want to believe, but I just can’t. I can’t make the leap to that place. I pray for the faith to get there, I try to trust, I ache to believe this part of God’s promise, but I fail each and every day.

I finally realize that I’m not going to develop the faith…I just have to have it. That’s why it’s called faith, the absence of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. I can’t see where God is leading me. I don’t know which job is next (or even if there is a next one) or if he’ll ever fulfill my desire for a family, but he does call me to simply believe.

Believe that he’ll provide me with what I need, when I need it.

The new year seems like a great time to stop letting my past dictate my future.

Believe.