kiss.

17 Thursday Feb 2011

Posted by in change, Song of the Day

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Can we talk for just a moment about terribly catchy pop songs with questionably dirty lyrics? (We’ll talk about the ones with definitely dirty lyrics another day. Or maybe never.)

I love the song “Kiss” and I had the chance to hear it today and I was struck by how many songs have slyly filthy lyrics (as I was singing and dancing along, mind you) and it made me sad. Granted, this song is pretty mild as pop songs (and Prince songs!) go, but it’s not something I’d want my kids to listen to before they were adults. (Yes, the kids I don’t have. Those kids.)

While we’re on the subject I have to confess I downloaded my first (and likely last) Eminem song the other day. I don’t know what I was thinking, except that it’s catchy and a little ominous and makes me feel like I could rule the world (this song, along with Muse’s “Uprising” are great coup d’etat songs) while it plays.

Do as I say, right?

Oh well.

———————–

What’s the thing about boys and passes and girls and glasses?

These are new. I think I like them.

———————-

“Kiss,” Prince
–Song of the Day

milkshake.

16 Wednesday Feb 2011

Posted by in inner monologue

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I gave up fast food about 18 months ago, and my life is definitely better for having made this choice. I never realized how ubiquitous fast food is, but when you’re out and about and need to eat, it’s definitely the easiest choice. It’s everywhere and it’s relatively cheap; the tradeoff is that if you eat enough of it, it will eventually kill you (and will make your life pretty miserable before you actually die). So having said all of that, I don’t really miss fast food. Not the golden arches, not the fancy Christian chicken. . .none of it.

But man oh man, who wouldn’t I kill today for a vanilla milkshake from Mickey D’s? Something about that fat straw and the texture and temperature of that shake sounds downright divine today.

If you have one today, let me know how it is. :)

 

these days.

10 Thursday Feb 2011

Posted by in Mom

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Today is the 1904th day.

———————

I miss my Mom the most when I’m sick.
Okay, that’s not really true. I do miss her when I’m sick, but I also miss her when I have a very good day.
Or a very bad day.
Or when something magnificent happens.
Or when I need advice or encouragement.
Sometimes I just want to tell her how much I love her. (And to hear her say how much she loves me.)

Some days I have a hard time believing that I won’t see her again on this side of heaven. I think about it all of the time, being reunited with her. I know I’ll be so excited to see Jesus when I get to heaven and I’ll cry, “Holy holy holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!” I’ll do that because that’s what heaven is for and heaven is home and this earth is not.

But what about when I see her again? Will she be looking for me? Will she know I’ll have arrived? I’m under no suspicion that she’s keeping tabs on me on earth; heaven’s business is far too important and too good for that. But when I get to heaven, how will I find her?

I am looking forward to the day that we are all rid of earth’s discomfort and our alienation from this broken world has been eliminated. I long for the day where there is no more sorrow and no more brokenness and no more sin.

Holy holy holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come.

———————-

I had lunch with a friend recently and we talked about heaven and he said that he longs to go there because he is just so certain that this world is not his home. He longs to be rid of his fleshly body and be at peace in the heavenly places. Though he knows he’s in this world to do the thing God has given him to do, he’s ready for heaven. His certainty made me uncomfortable.

He’s ready for heaven.

Wait. What?

I mean, who’s ready for heaven?

Old people. Sick people. Missionaries. Preachers.

But a young, healthy person who’s ready for heaven?

There’s nothing particularly unusual about this train of thought, of course. Paul expressed similar thoughts in his writings during the earliest days of Christianity.

I’m terribly wrapped up in what I’ve got going on and I tend to fit God in rather than fit other things around him. I think I’m doing a great job when I look at my poorly balanced plate and God is perched on the edge, right between balancing my budget and schoolwork and organizing my CD collection…I’m ashamed of the low priority I really give God. I talk a good game, but I’m not ready for heaven. I haven’t been very responsible with my mission or my resources. I tend to look around at my life and think one of two things:

  • Oh, I’m so happy to be right in the center of God’s will for my life! I’m so proud of me!
  • I cannot believe all of the time I have wasted! I’ll never get my Thing done. Can God even use me at all?

Just like in the lyrics I posted the other day, I think the truth is somewhere in the middle. I don’t deserve to be completely let off the hook (because I’ve definitely made poor choices along the way) but I also think that I’m where God wants me to be and that he can use me here.

At any rate, my lunch with my friend helped me to clarify that life is serious business. He’s busy using his gifts for God’s glory and the expansion of the kingdom and because of that, he’s ready for heaven.

———————-

It seems impossible that it’ll be another 1904 days before I’m reunited with my Mom. It could be 0 days, but it could be 10,000 days. Every now and then I have a day where I miss her so much it physically hurts. Today is one of those days.

I’ve been a little under the weather for the past week and I miss my Mom the most when I’m sick.

Also, just because I miss her.

 

just a normal day.

08 Tuesday Feb 2011

Posted by in old song/new thoughts, Song of the Day, work

≈ 1 Comment

Friday night’s event was a huge, huge success! Yay! Threatened at the last minute by icy roads on Friday, the Special Events team at the local Christian radio station decided to go ahead with the event, and everything turned out splendidly. There were only a handful of people who couldn’t come because of the weather/decided not to come and we had an almost-full house. All of the bands/speakers seemed to really connect with the men who were there and I pray that some men went home challenged to be better fathers and husbands as a result of what they heard. The evening ended with an unapologetic presentation of the Gospel and it was fantastic!

Okay, so here’s the question you want answered: Did you get to meet Tim?

Yes, yes I did. He seems to be a genuinely nice guy who just happens to play in the NFL. And is a Heisman Trophy Winner. And he helped his football team win the NCAA title (twice) while he was in college.

But other than that, completely like everyone else.

And more important than his ability to contribute both passing and rushing touchdowns, he loves the Lord and unashamedly proclaims the Gospel as the best thing about his life.

Me and my BFF, Tim.

It was a great event, and I’m glad to have a little bit of normalcy back in my life. Until the next one, that is. :)

——————–

I’ve recently rediscovered this song, and I’m amazed at how well it (still!) applies to my life. I first heard it a few years before I moved back to Arkansas, and it captured me perfectly then.

All of this time has gone by and ooh, look! Look who still doesn’t have her stuff together.

“Always Have, Always Will”
Part of me is the prodigal
Part of me is the other brother
I think the heart of me
Is really somewhere between them
Some days I’m running wild
Some days I’m reconciled
But I wonder all while
Why you put up with me when
I wrestle most days to find ways to do as I please
———
I was born with a wayward heart
Still I live with a restless spirit
My soul is so well worn
You’d think I’d have arrived by now
Caught in the trappings of
My search for a lasting love
I’ve made mistakes enough to last for a lifetime
I still slip, I still fall
But I’ll always run back to you

assurances

01 Tuesday Feb 2011

Posted by in work

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I’m at the stage of event planning where nothing is completely finished and all of the tasks are URGENT, and that makes sense since my event is the day after tomorrow.

*exhale deeply*

I couldn’t ask for a more supportive team of people, personally and professionally, and that has no made my job simpler by orders of magnitude I’ll never really know. I’m happy about that. I’m very happy about that.

It is these moments where Satan whispers defeat and failure and fear over me and I throw down some of my favorites: Romans 4:20-21 and Psalm 13:5-6. Get thee behind me, you old hot-breath fool.

My God wins, everytime. Even when I have to remind myself that the pit of despair I’m wallowing in isn’t the victory for which my Jesus lived and died, he wins. Even in my despair and full-on freak outs, he is still sovereign and he wins.

Be encouraged, friends.

the last day of january, 2011

31 Monday Jan 2011

Posted by in daily life, Song of the Day

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Heard/seen/experienced in my life today:

  • I had a little meltdown at work this morning.
  • My boss gave me a yo-yo and told me I have got to learn to relax a little bit and to relearn the joy of playing.
  • Before he presented me with the (completely awesome) yo-yo, (and more importantly) he prayed over me and shared with me some simple, powerful wisdom.
  • I whittled my inbox down to 25 messages and that’s still making me twitch. (When I started this job, I pledged to myself to have an empty inbox at the end of each day. With the exception of about a half-dozen days, I have been able to maintain that. Prepping for a major event on Friday has been a game changer.) Tomorrow=zero.
  • In a crazy twist of physics+gravity, one of my coworkers ripped off the greater part of his ring finger. (That’s not an analogy for anything. He really did rip off a good portion of his ring finger when his wedding ring got caught on the strikeplate of a door jamb.)
  • We have a huge event coming up on Friday and there are a million little details to think of before then. I feel certain we/I will get it all done, but I want to do a good job. I’m anxious about it because that’s how I work. I worry, plan, catastrophize (what a great word!), and I execute. If I could skip steps one and three, my life would be simpler. And I would take less Zantac.
  • In addition to expecting 4300 people for Friday night’s sold-out event, telling a dozen people a day “No, I’m sorry, we don’t have tickets,” and trying to keep a proper bit of personal space around an NFL quarterback, I have a metric butt-ton of stuff to do with school this week. Metric butt-ton.
  • I became a mentor!

I have very serious concerns that I don’t have the energy or the smarts to do all that’s before me this week, but I feel like God has given me every piece of it, so how can I shirk or set aside any of it? I can’t.

———————

Teach me every day to give
So when the moon shines
I’ve no regrets
All I Need, Andrew Greer
Song of the Day

———————-

Yes, I do indeed have the best boss ever.

in the middle of the night

26 Wednesday Jan 2011

Posted by in blah

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I’m only a little sorry I put the Billy Joel song in your head.

I’m feeling:
overwhelmed
sad
crabby
tired
worried
disappointed
stabby

Okay, now that that’s out, I’ll feel better, right? I realize I am not (only) my feelings, (which is especially good news given the last one) but dang if they don’t always try to drive the stinkin’ bus.

I need to organize something. That will calm me down. Hmmm. Oh dang, sleeping pill is kicking in.

Maybe tomorrow.

that took care of that.

24 Monday Jan 2011

Posted by in a case of the mondays, blah

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I don’t know why it’s so disappointing to me when someone I really like and respect says something via a social media platform that’s hideously offensive, overly plaintive, or flatly mean-spirited. I guess it’s because I want to believe they’re above that kind of thinking or speaking? We all say things we regret, and the permanence and omnipresence of the Internet makes it easy to forever memorialize the banality of random thoughts and share them with strangers all over the world.

(personal hero demystified today. blah.)

reminders.

23 Sunday Jan 2011

Posted by in inner monologue, Song of the Day

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Have you ever had a few days/weeks where nothing tastes quite right? I’m there now. The things that I usually enjoy taste bland/flat to me. Sweet things aren’t as sweet, savory things aren’t as flavorful…it’s kind of weird. I’m also weirdly tired. Maybe I’m coming down with something? This food weirdness also coincides with a bit of difficulty focusing on my schoolwork. I’m preoccupied with all kinds of other nonsense things. Well, some of it’s not nonsense; these thoughts just don’t need to be front-and-center thoughts.

——————–

I still feel a little out of sorts from my trip to Virginia. I’ve been home for nine days, I completely unpacked the night I got home and I still feel like I’ve playing catch up or something. Last week was busy and the next several weeks look like they’re going to be busy as well. Busy is good, but I have a tendency to flip out before the worst of the business begins and I’m making a conscious effort to be in each moment I’m actually in, not ones in the past or in the future. I’m such a grass-is-greener person and I think part of my unsettled-ness is due to my thinking, “Well, what if . . .?” and that never leads to anyplace good for me. Some people are dreamers and can go down that road and return to home and the present and be perfectly content. It rarely works like that for me. I wander down that road and I want to rearrange everything in my life to suit the conditions of my daydream, but that’s not wise or real or whatever. There’s a theory of counseling that primarily concerns itself with the here and now (as opposed to the there and then). The focus of the sessions and the questions and all of the conversation is what’s happening right now (because after all, that’s what can be changed, right?) and to get the client to see how they can make changes and thereby change whatever situation is troublesome. (Gross oversimplification of Gestalt theory.)

I stink at the here and now. I’ve written about this before, my tendency to live life looking in my rearview mirror. It’s better than it used to be, but every now and again I miss something that reminds me that I have to look in the direction I’m actually going.

——————–

I don’t know why, but I have received more traffic from this post than just about any other I’ve ever written. Most of the people who find that post are searching the words “he set my feet on a rock.” I hope that those words help someone find their way out of a dark place. They certainly did that for me.

——————–

Song of the day:
“Remind Me,” Andrew Greer

(Yes, it’s a repeat, and yes, it’s that good. Do yourself a favor and listen to it. Now listen to it again, a little louder. Then buy his record.)

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